Donna Cameron

Macrame: Your highly acclaimed book, “A Year of Living Kindly, Choices That Will Change Your Life and the World Around You” has garnered numerous awards, including the New York City Big Book Award, 14th Annual National Indie Excellence Award, IPPY Gold Medal in Self Help, Nautilus Gold Book Award in Personal Growth & Self-Help, to name a few. Can you please share with us what propelled you on your writing journey and what were your earlier writing experiences prior to A Year of Living Kindly?

Donna Cameron: I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember, and I was fortunate my career allowed me a wide range of writing experience: creative projects, articles, analysis, speeches, legislative testimony, and more. My first book, One Hill, Many Voices: Stories of Hope and Healing, written with coauthor Kristen Leathers, was published in 2011. My original intention wasn’t to write a book about kindness, but to research and blog about it for a year. However, I quickly realized that kindness wasn’t something I would take up for one year and then abandon to try something else (salsa dancing, conversational Italian). I recognized kindness as a lifelong pursuit. The people who were following my blog encouraged me to expand it into a book. A suggestion I welcomed wholeheartedly.

Macrame: What moments or people from your early life most shaped your views on kindness and compassion, and was there a turning point when you realized kindness could become your life’s focus?

Donna Cameron: I’ve been blessed to know many exceptionally kind people, most notably my father, who died when I was eleven, and my business partner of thirty-plus years. They were people in whose presence you just felt good. I wanted to be more like them. As a somewhat grumpy introvert, I knew that would require changes on my part. Being also something of a nerd, I wanted to understand the science behind kindness. Fortunately, in recent years, there’s been a great deal of research into kindness. I started blogging about it in 2015 and that was my turning point.

Macrame: How, and at what point did you begin to incorporate the practice of “living kindly” into your daily life? To what degree did it require a conscious effort or personal transformation?

Donna Cameron: Starting in 2015, I tried (emphasis on tried) to be intentional about kindness every day. Of course, I didn’t always succeed. But the intention made it easier to notice opportunities to extend kindness, and to recognize and appreciate the kindnesses that were extended to me. It was largely a matter of noticing—what I paid attention to.

Macrame: What external or internal resistance did you meet along your journey, and how did you overcome it?

Donna Cameron: Very little external resistance, but some of my internal tendencies did occasionally get in my way. I’m somewhat shy and was raised with the directive “never call attention to yourself.” There are circumstances, though, where being kind means stepping forward, putting yourself out there, and that was sometimes hard. Since my book’s publication, I’ve had countless opportunities to talk to groups about kindness—in person at conferences and events, or via podcasts and radio shows—so some of that lifelong shyness has eroded away. In fact, I’ve discovered that I enjoy being something of a ham.

I want to be clear that just because I write and speak about kindness, I am certainly no paragon. I still have lapses, miss opportunities to extend kindness, or am oblivious to a kindness extended to me. Perfection isn’t the goal. Kindness isn’t a destination we’re aiming for, but it’s the road we take to get to where we’re going.

Macrame: You distinguish between “being kind” and “being nice.” Can you share a situation from your life where it took moral courage to choose kindness over niceness?

Donna Cameron: Nice doesn’t take much effort or involve much risk. Kindness asks for both. I can be nice without expending a lot of effort and while still being impatient or judgmental. But kindness asks me to withhold judgment and offer the benefit of the doubt, to care and go out of my way to help. Where once I might have stayed quiet to avoid making waves or attracting unwanted attention, now I am more likely to stop and offer assistance, or speak up if I see someone being disrespected or marginalized or bullied.

Macrame: Some say small acts of kindness “ripple outward.” Can you share an example from your experience or your readers’ stories where that was particularly meaningful? What about the risk of unintended consequences when the ripple effect can go beyond what is expected?

Donna Cameron: One place where I experience the ripple effect is with encouragement. If I—or someone else—offers encouragement to somebody—a child, a trainee in a work situation, or anyone who’s struggling to learn or do something—then others will follow suit and be encouraging instead of critical or impatient. Another place we see the ripple effect is in countering bullying. If just one bystander stands up to a bully and supports the person being bullied others will follow, and usually the bully will back down. The “unintended consequences” of the ripple effect are often things we will never know. The smallest kindness might lead to a great kindness somewhere far down the road. That’s the magic of kindness.

Macrame: Given our rapidly changing world, how do you see the relevance of practicing kindness today? What strategies would you recommend for sustaining kindness without burnout or cynicism?

Donna Cameron: When I started researching and intentionally practicing kindness in 2015, the world was very different. Overt unkindness wasn’t broadcast daily on the news. Deliberate cruelty was not celebrated. That all changed in 2016 when incivility became more widespread and even acceptable to many. There’s been research showing that unkindness and incivility are contagious—just like a cold or the flu. If we see it, even if we only witness it, we’re likely to behave in a similar fashion. I think that explains a lot about the world we’re living in today.

But research has also shown kindness to be equally contagious. So, it’s up to each of us to decide which contagion we want to spread, and in doing so, what kind of world we want to live in.

As for sustaining kindness without burnout or cynicism, one big factor is to remember to be kind to ourselves. Self-kindness isn’t selfish; it’s essential if we want to be able to sustain kindness toward others and toward our planet.

Macrame: To some, beginning to “live kindly” might seem like a major shift and require shedding established values and perceptions. What is an easy and accessible way for any person to begin incorporating the practice of living kindly into their daily lives? How can one do so effectively and safely?

Donna Cameron: Like most skills, kindness takes practice. If we announce that henceforth we are going to be a relentlessly kind person—another Mother Teresa or Dalai Lama–we are doomed to failure. Instead, set a reasonable resolution to be just ten percent kinder. Or even five percent. And think about what that might look like: greeting coworkers, offering assistance, slowing to allow a car to merge on the highway, speaking a few words of encouragement or appreciation. When you realize how good that feels and see the reactions people have to your kindness, you’ll want to add another ten percent, and then another. Pretty soon, you’ll notice that kindness has become your default setting and you’re looking for opportunities to extend it everywhere you go.

Macrame: Since writing this book, how has your vision of what practical kindness should mean evolved, and what type of kindness “project” would you put forth and recommend for readers today?

Donna Cameron: A lot of people hesitate to extend a kindness because it feels puny; they think kindnesses should be extravagant and big, But I’ve come to see that most kindnesses are small, everyday actions that we can either choose to do or choose not to do. And in that small choice, we can change the world. Remembering that our days are made up of small kindnesses, we just need to look around and do what we can wherever we are. Just start.

Macrame: How has the experience of crafting and publishing A Year of Living Kindly influenced you as a writer?

Donna Cameron: It was such an enjoyable experience. I loved the writing and the revising, and the putting it all together. These made me a better, braver writer. Publication was an enjoyable and surprising process. The book is now in its fourteenth printing and has so far been published in five foreign editions. This I never expected and I am enormously grateful. Additionally, I’ve connected with other writers who have become treasured friends and colleagues.

Macrame: If you could write in a different genre — fiction, memoir, poetry — what would it be, and what themes would you explore?

Donna Cameron: Up until quite recently, I have only written nonfiction: two books and scores of articles and personal essays. On a whim, I decided to try writing a short story, and that first story, “Enough,” is the one Macrame Literary Journal accepted for this issue. So, now I want to write more fiction and seriously study the craft. An idea for a novel has also taken hold of me, and I don’t think it’s going to let go. I want to explore themes of aging, death, friendship…. But I also love humor, so I will certainly inject that into those serious subjects. We need all the humor we can find.

Macrame: What advice can you give to our readers about life, writing, or anything else?

Donna Cameron: Unsolicited advice from a stranger is about as welcome as a box of spiders. There is so much good advice out there about writing, from incredibly talented authors and teachers. Read it to learn and apply what resonates. Advice that I’ve taken to heart is to make writing enjoyable. If the writer has fun, the reader will, too. Regarding life advice, I can offer six words: Pay attention and wear comfortable shoes.

Macrame: Do you have any new projects in the works that our readers can look forward to?

Donna Cameron: I’ll continue to write personal essays and I hope more short stories. And, while it won’t be anytime soon, that novel is not going to let me go.